this isn't new york. this isn't los angeles.

Stonington, Maine. If you've never been here, make some vacation plans, pronto. Visit a place unlike any other. A fishing/lobstering community first and foremost (though it also has a massive history with granite/quarries and shipping - endlessly fascinating), Stonington, at the tip of Deer Isle, is very much an artist's community. Visual artists (Haystack Mountain School of Crafts has been here for 60 years or so) abound, the island also houses the Stonington Opera House, a performing arts venue which has had an impressive 10 years hosting dance, theater, opera, jazz, film etc. It's a beautiful place. And I'm here directing "Burt Dow: Deep Water Man."
http://www.operahousearts.org/index.php
Today, stage manager Jen and I went to Haystack's gallery space in Deer Isle Village where we met a Tibetan monk, who dismantled his mandala sand drawing in front of a packed crowd. It was extremely moving. We were instructed to bring some of the mandala sand and scatter in places to bless. I've got a couple places in mind. :)
Some pictures below of the endless lupine which has made an early entrance on the island, as well as Roger the cat, and our visit to Bertrand Dow's grave (a k a Burt Dow).

rebranding has begun: call me ishmael

Hi readers.
I am sitting in a dainty yet earthy cafe in Fort Greene, called Bittersweet. I usually go to Bidonville, but they are closed for the Easter weekend. I miss the old street of Dekalb. Now that we're on Myrtle, we rarely get down to Dekalb unless we're jonesing to spend money, which is never a good sign. For those who don't know these streets and neighborhoods, don't worry. I'm basically saying that I get nostalgic on occasion. Nostalgia. What a strange and beautiful human response to the past. I feel like I could write a play on that subject.
Meanwhile, I read my horoscope in L Magazine today and it said this: "Cancer, Cancer, Cancer... Did you know that you're the only sign of the Zodiac that's also a deadly disease? How does that make you feel? I've often thought it would be good to come up with an alternate sign name... Crabula? Hermex? Canevia? Xeo? Rupertronica? Rebranding yourself isn't easy, but sometimes it's what has to be done."
Yeah. That basically says it all.
I'm pretty tired of my MO. Usually sounds like this in my head: "I'm so worried. What am I doing with my life? Why aren't things going exactly the way I want them? Why do I always feel depressed? Why aren't I exercising? What's next? Do I even like New York anymore? Why aren't I acting? What do I do?" BLAH BLAH BLAH.
It's Spring. Time for a change. And as I prepare for the play I am directing, I think more and more about how I need to think less and less about what people think. Or what I think, for that matter. Though, I need to think.
More later.

sitting in my "office"

Me and CAB, at a recent fake moustache party. That's before I got my appendix out.

JF alerted me that I had no recent posts here, and so thanks to him, I am back.

I am sitting at my desk in my "office." in room 300. I realize that I am, yet again, working and living on another year of student time - that's where the year doesn't start and end January to December...rather, September to August. That's my year. I like it. Keeps me young.

I am happy to report that a little money showed up in my bank account today. It's been touch and go for the last year and a half, literally. That's what happens when you're a jet setter (read: poor artist). Yes, I have been back and forth from NY to Los Angeles a fair amount in the last year, and there has been very little permanence in my life. Except for getting married. That's the best thing I did all year. Soon it will be our first anniversary. Time is flying and I can't believe my life is passing so quickly. I had surgery to remove my appendix a few weeks ago, and all I can say is I am happy to be alive.

I am also excited about an upcoming project: "Burt Dow: Deep Water Man" a new musical/opera based on Robert McCloskey's book of the same name. I look forward to directing and working with designers and staff and actors, both adults and children. Sometimes I wonder if directing is my calling, despite acting being my first love. I waver about this. Perhaps it doesn't matter and I need to do it all. I've been saying that since high school. I have essay proof.

I now need to read Flannery O'Connor. Her short stories are staring at me, waiting to be read, and then I need to decide if this is hopeful for the Lit class I am about to embark on. I guess the good thing about teaching is that you never stop learning.

Until soon. Thanks JF, for getting me back on the horse.

teacher teacher.

I understand the work week now. Currently teaching five days a week, I appreciate the weekend for its coming as well as the value of my time. Today, I took a nap because I could. I have much work to catch up on, but knowing that I had nowhere to go (except into the abyss of tax receipts and 1099s and FCP editing) I lay down on the bed, feet dangling off (I slept perpendicularly) and slumbered off. Halfway through this unexpected sneak of a snooze, our cat Daisy nestled near my head and shoulders, and I found myself holding her paws in my hands, like we were sweethearts.
I think I got the sleep I needed. Now, back to work. Or perhaps another nap...?

California on the brink.

If anyone can tell me what it means when a state closes for business, I'd love to hear. This country is in such a deep pile of crap I'm surprised people don't just implode as they're walking down the street or driving in their cars. "The reality of a deepening recession" is how investors are taking this. After billions and billions of dollars of bailout money and fraud from every corner, what will keep us from revolting? Why do I feel like this stimulus package will just be the band-aid on a continuously bleeding wound?
I'm looking for answers.

the largest cockroach ever.

Why the largest cockroach ever has tormented me in the last month is a mystery. Didn't it know death would be the only answer that would come a 'calling? I "bumped into" this specimen last night and I think it injured it, and then there it was, wriggling on its back until it wriggled no more. The previous cockroach from about 2 weeks ago shot out of the stove as I had the broiler/stovetop on, which leads me to believe there is a large infestation behind the kitchen appliances. The biggest trap they sell out there in hardware store-land is no match for the monstrous size of these bugs. Eeeegh. It hasn't helped that in the literature class I have been attending at school we recently read The Metamorphosis. So now I feel like I am killing somebody's son. My fear of bugs is occasionally only surpassed by my fear of flying. On a weekly basis one fear trumps the other. This week is a toss up, after the tragedy in Buffalo.
Meanwhile, my winter break from school is a welcome remedy to the severe depression I have been going through, due to my lack of self-starter theater-making.
Got a post from friends in LA - they are shooting a reality pilot out there and they're loving it.
I think I need to travel.

another hiatus gone bust

Hello dear reader(s)? Hello? Tumbleweeds?
I am back, returned from the land of internet nod, curious again, in the need to express myself on the electronic page.
Back in NY, I can't tell if I love or hate being here in the city. This seesawing hits me on a daily basis. As we look at our dwindling bank account, I hate it here. It's too expensive. As I step into another theater to help out or work on a project, I love it here. As I learn to teach at a public middle school, it's hard to tell. I've been teaching full time since the beginning of January - it is undoubtedly a recession-proof job, but I don't know if it's my calling. My recent stepping-into-theaters experience leads me to believe that my home is the theater and teaching is a way station. But I feel fortunate to have a job, in this, the worst economy since the '30s. And it's way more inspiring, interesting and rewarding than my other life as a word processor. I am sitting in on a social studies class, looking at civil rights history (beginning with the end of slavery). When I learned about civil rights in middle school we were given one day for Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr., and that was it. But here, some fortunate 'tweens in the NYC schools are learning about the details of Emmett Till and African Americans in the military and racism's history which shows its ugly face in light of events happening today. I should mention that where I work is super special. I imagine that most schools are not like this (it's what I've been told).
Meanwhile, my spotty relationship with theater continues. I am working on a project going up at the Joyce SoHo in a week - a little 10 minute movement/theater piece - very fun, though I feel incredibly out of shape and somewhat of an outsider. I've had that outsider feeling a lot, since I had a falling out with a director/colleague over a year ago. The details of this unfortunate event are not so important. What I do know is that I am looking for a theater home, hence, feeling of being an exile. I sometimes wonder if I need to create this home for myself rather than look to other artists. As I write this, I know the answer is yes, and that I need to be a self-starter, cultivate something, and quick.
But I ramble. Thanks for reading.

Red Hook, Brooklyn, October 2008

TWO MONTH HIATUS ANNIVERSARY!

And so much has changed.
A and I are married.
We are back in Brooklyn.
We have a new president elect (paragraph to come about that below).
Our wedding was a totally amazing moment in time where so many people we know and love came from all over the world to witness our union. It ended with a two night stay on Catalina Island, which, if you've never been there, I implore you to go. It's a magical little island. And right off the coast of Los Angeles.
Speaking of LA, and speaking as a newly married person (married IN California), I am disgusted at California's passing of Prop (H)8.
And I officially declare this two month hiatus over, from the East Coast. Realign yourselves, repeal Prop 8 my California friends, and enjoy the blog.
And here is a post from my new husband regarding his reaction to the election, and who doesn't have a blog but wanted me to post this on mine. We share a lot of things. (And for those who don't know, Fort Greene is in Brooklyn, where we live. And love.)

"I'm so amazed this morning. So, so amazed. Fort Greene was so noisy last night, and I could have cared less. I keep thinking about the joke people made about the movie "Deep Impact" years ago, saying it was so unrealistic, not because of a meteor destroys New York City by causing a tidal wave, but because Morgan Freeman played the president. It didn't seem possible to me that this could happen five years ago, let alone the scores of voters and, more to the point, voting rights activists in Birmingham and Selma I saw interviewed last night, who never thought they would see it in their lifetime. After this scourge of eight years of an administration that spoke of elections in terms of "winner takes all," reducing any legitimate voter mandate to "political capital" to push through policies in the interest of no one but them, I find myself hesitant to call this a victory. It sounds as if I'm just happy because my side won. But it's not a race, it's not a contest to me. As much of a t-shirt slogan as this sounds, it's a dream fulfilled, one realized despite the irony and cynicism. I've felt an inertia through my whole voting life, a sense of being weighed down by the "Yeah, it'd be nice, but it'll never happen," and to me this really does feel, after years of being told that anyone can be president but never seeing the proof, a tremendous validation and, more importantly, a renewed responsibility. THIS, not war, not building walls to keep our neighbors out, not dividing our citizenry into camps worthy of assistance and not worthy, this makes me feel patriotic. This is us finally ratifying the constitution, finally bringing our country into the new century, bringing on the future we'd hoped for more than two centuries ago. It's not short of amazing, it is amazing. Absolutely."

more beautiful los angeles pics and a hiatus

Here are some photos from the last few days.
I am off to the East Coast for a bridal shower and a wedding to attend. I'll update the blog as soon as I return.
Peace,
JJ

Sometimes, random acts of random kindness are just that. Random. And kind.

The following is a plea from my good friend and filmmaker, Nara Garber. She supported her friend Osekre for two semesters at Columbia University. Please check out more information at www.keeposekreinschool.com.
The deadline is September 14.
________________________________________




I'm sending out a final, desperate email blast on behalf of my friend Osekre, a Ghanaian undergraduate who has been left high and dry by Columbia University. Osekre has begun his senior year at Columbia as a sociology major, but since he's a foreign student with no access to the kind of financial aid available to American citizens, he will be asked to withdraw unless he can raise the rest of his tuition for the fall semester by September 14th. Since the 14th is a Sunday, we almost certainly have until Monday, the 15th, but the point is the same: we have almost no time left to raise the tidy sum of $14K. Donations thus far have run the gamut from $5 to $2,000, so clearly anything goes. We are hoping at the very least that a high number of donations will demonstrate effort on our part and might persuade Columbia to grant us an extension if we come up short.

I know this must sound crazy, but crazier things have kept Osekre in school thus far. You can get more information -- including details on how to donate by check or PayPal -- at the website I set up for this purpose: www.keeposekreinschool.com. If you or anyone you know feels like "investing" in the future of a young man from Ghana who will almost certainly go on to do admirable things upon returning home, I will be incredibly grateful. (Also, if you can think of any PR stunts likely to generate coverage in the local news, your input would be more than welcome!)

Thanks in advance for your patience and insights.

Nara
www.keeposekreinschool.com