another hiatus gone bust

Hello dear reader(s)? Hello? Tumbleweeds?
I am back, returned from the land of internet nod, curious again, in the need to express myself on the electronic page.
Back in NY, I can't tell if I love or hate being here in the city. This seesawing hits me on a daily basis. As we look at our dwindling bank account, I hate it here. It's too expensive. As I step into another theater to help out or work on a project, I love it here. As I learn to teach at a public middle school, it's hard to tell. I've been teaching full time since the beginning of January - it is undoubtedly a recession-proof job, but I don't know if it's my calling. My recent stepping-into-theaters experience leads me to believe that my home is the theater and teaching is a way station. But I feel fortunate to have a job, in this, the worst economy since the '30s. And it's way more inspiring, interesting and rewarding than my other life as a word processor. I am sitting in on a social studies class, looking at civil rights history (beginning with the end of slavery). When I learned about civil rights in middle school we were given one day for Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr., and that was it. But here, some fortunate 'tweens in the NYC schools are learning about the details of Emmett Till and African Americans in the military and racism's history which shows its ugly face in light of events happening today. I should mention that where I work is super special. I imagine that most schools are not like this (it's what I've been told).
Meanwhile, my spotty relationship with theater continues. I am working on a project going up at the Joyce SoHo in a week - a little 10 minute movement/theater piece - very fun, though I feel incredibly out of shape and somewhat of an outsider. I've had that outsider feeling a lot, since I had a falling out with a director/colleague over a year ago. The details of this unfortunate event are not so important. What I do know is that I am looking for a theater home, hence, feeling of being an exile. I sometimes wonder if I need to create this home for myself rather than look to other artists. As I write this, I know the answer is yes, and that I need to be a self-starter, cultivate something, and quick.
But I ramble. Thanks for reading.

Red Hook, Brooklyn, October 2008